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I used to love to eat "Chinese food." One of the best
parts of going to eat "Chinese food" was the reward that you got at the
end of your meal in exchange for you paying your bill. This reward being
the ever so omnipotent fortune cookie.
The fortune cookie, with its light sweet flavor and cripsy crunch that
would contain the secret to your unknown future. You may have your own
fortune cookie ritual- close your eyes and pick one. Or perhaps it is
the mad grab for whichever fortune cookie you can lay your fingers on
first, thus resulting in often slightly smashed or crushed cookies. But,
whether you would be "traveling great distances overseas," or "receiving
a an unexpected windfall soon," the fortune cookie gave you something to
look forward to and smile at the end of the meal.
Equally as entertaining, albeit nerdy as well, would be the insertion of
the phrase "in bed" after whatever your fortune cookie said would occur.
Yes, it was perhaps sophomoric and dorky, and maybe interpreted as
perverted by some, but for others of us, funny nonetheless.
But what I find to be disturbing is the lack of real "fortunes" in the
fortune cookies these days. Is there a fortune cookie writer union that
has forced its members to go on strike, or just a lack of
talent or a problem in translation to English that is no longer truly
giving us fortunes, but giving us statements or advice instead.
Here is an example: "Life is full of wonders...explore what's around
you." Is this really a fortune? Or is this just a sage saying, a guide
for one to follow? How about a fortune that reads, "You will explore the
world of wonders around you." THAT is a fortune, not an advice cookie.
Another fortune cookie said: "Try again later, I am tired." As funny as
that may be, and how ironic that one might actually apply this statement
to "in bed," what a ripoff that is. Sure you do not actually PAY for the
fortune cookie, but when does the fortune cookie decide that it gets to
go on a break? If the writer of said fortune cookie saying was truly
creative and wanted to make a fortune out of this statement, should it
not read something like "You will open a fortune cookie that will have
nothing useful to say." or "You will open a fortune cookie that is on a
10 minute break." Again, both of those would be fortunes.
And what does it mean when you open a fortune cookie that has no strip
of paper in it, no fortune or advice to read?
I consulted a couple of posts and blogs to discover that no one truly
knows. Some say it means death will come your way soon. Another post
says that it means the person on the assembly line was not doing her
job. Others say that bad fortune is heading your way, so to ward off the
potential evil just in case ask the waitress or the manager for two
other fortune cookies to replace the one with no fortune. And do you eat
the cookie that comes with no fortune? Or is eating the cookie with no
fortune bad luck as well?
I had this happen to me when I was in Texas last month. Great food,
great service, open the fortune cookie, EMPTY. My heart dropped, grabbed
the iPhone, Googled "empty fortune cookie" and promptly asked the
waitress for two more cookies. Both whose fortunes were actually
fortunes this time and not advice: "You will always be surrounded by
true friends," and "You will be awarded some great honor."
Wow, I feel so much better.
Want to share your unusual fortunes with me? Email me at
familyfavorites@gmail.com
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