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After interviewing for an exciting
employment opportunity, the young candidate was rejected, “When I
asked for real feedback, the interviewer told me that although my
job skills and education were a good fit, some of my table manners
raised a red flag. The position entails many client dinners and I
guess I had a few bad habits that they saw at meals during the
interview process.” The candidate continued, “I would have loved to
have been taught proper table manners by my parents. I feel at a
real disadvantage, and I am quite frankly, embarrassed by my lack of
manners.”
Sadly the situation the interviewee faced above is not uncommon.
Competition is fierce for good jobs and seats in good universities.
There are many more highly qualified applicants than positions.
Polished table skills are a needed asset and social skill in this
competitive culture.
Every parent wants to launch their children into the world with the
skills they need to succeed. Equipping children with good table
manners is an important lesson that all parents should want to give
to their children. Using good table manners allows the focus to be
placed on the conversation not on the act of eating. Having good
table manners gives people the confidence to participate in any
dining situation with ease.
Start introducing manners lessons slowly to very young children and
add more refined lessons as the child matures. Consistency and
repetition are very important when teaching children. Parents will
have to reinforce the rules time and time again until good practices
become habit. Remind children whenever a slip in manners occurs but
don’t scold or nag.
Practicing good manners daily will eventually lead to mastery and
manners will become second nature. As children develop fine motor
skills, their use of utensils and glassware will improve. With
constant repetition, by the early teen years, kids will have built
up a comprehensive collection of manners which parents need only
fine-tune for teens to be capable of attending the most formal of
occasions.
For the well being of the children, even busy families should find
the time to sit down together each evening for a meal. The most
simple of meals, including take-out fare, are fine choices. Make
sure that the food is transferred and/or served in serving dishes
and that the family uses dinnerware. If dinner is impossible on
certain evenings, families can sit down later in the evening for
dessert; make sure to set the table and use dinnerware and utensils.
Teaching children the proper way to set the table is a perfect start
for introducing the use of utensils, plates and glasses. Explain
where each utensil is placed, what it is for, when it is used, and
the correct way to hold it. Young children love being given a
responsibility and will happily and proudly set the table each
evening. Put placemats, napkins, silverware, plates, cups and bowls
within reach of children to facilitate easy table setting. A good
idea in homes with small children is to purchase nice quality
melamine dishes so when plates drop they will not break.
Children do not learn proper table manners overnight. It takes years
of repetition and consistent training to refine their skills.
Parents have eighteen years to help shape their child’s table
manners so there is plenty of time to patiently work with them.
Expect lots of errors and missteps, use gentle guidance, never scold
or embarrass, just kindly correct and continue eating.
If parents begin teaching manners when their children are toddlers,
by the time the kids are in kindergarten they will have mastery of
the basics.
The following is a list of table manners that your child should have
a good grasp of by age six.
1.Wash their hands and face before sitting down to the table.
2.Sit down in their proper seat and put their napkin in their lap.
3. Wait to begin eating until everyone is seated and has been
served. Many families wait until an adult gives permission to start
eating.
4.Stay seated in their seats without wiggling in their chairs, going
under the table, or getting up and down.
5.Say, “Excuse Me,” and ask permission to leave the table.
6.Elbows do not belong on the table.
7.Mouths should stay closed while chewing and pieces should be bite
sized.
8. “May I please” and “Thank you” should be used when children would
like food and never reach across the table.
9.Participate in the conversation during dinner and no interruptions
when other people are talking.
10.Slurping, burping, squealing, singing, humming are all sounds
that are not to be made at the table.
11.It is never kind or polite to make negative comments about what
is being served for dinner.
12.Before getting up at the end of the meal say, “May I please be
excused?”
13.Ask if adults would like them to clear their dinner plate.
14.Thank the cook.
Preparing children for adulthood starts the moment the baby is
placed in the arms of the mother. Teaching children to use good
table manners is a wonderful gift that will serve them well
throughout their entire lives. Parents will be proud that their
children are using the good manners that they have taught them, and
more importantly children will be polished and refined and capable
of being comfortable in any situation.
About The Author
Elena Neitlich is the co-owner and CEO of Moms on Edge. Her company
designs, manufactures and sells children's behavioral toys, games
and parenting aids including the very successful Original Naughty
Spot featured on the TODAY show. For more info:
www.momsonedge.com
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